Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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