I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
