you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
