nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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