Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
