proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
