question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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