Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
