You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
