I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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