he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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