You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
