Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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