How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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