Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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