i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
