im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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