you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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