I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im about as happy as oj after his trial
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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