How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
