I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
