dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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