My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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