im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
