So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
