I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
