Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
