Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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