I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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