Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
