My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
