____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
