I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
