You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
