i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
