YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He better not be in your backpack
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
