All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
