Who wears a wallet chain?!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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