it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
