You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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