I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
