MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So apparently I’m into choking now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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