sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Bring me that man meat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
