I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
