but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
