you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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