My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sober January is a disaster.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
