I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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