His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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