Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
