Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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