I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
