We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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