bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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