just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I need moral support for this bender
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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