I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
